「cRaY♂」

2008-11-01T15:30:00.001+08:00

Have officially migrate my blog to live journal.

http://craybenjamin.livejournal.com

No particular reason, just think of changing a new mood.

Cheers!

2008-10-29T21:17:00.000+08:00

Shagged out lately.

I need a break.

I need to think things through.

2008-10-26T21:59:00.004+08:00

I seriously can't be bothered with lots of nonsence.

I'm somewhat tired with all the things around me.

I don't even know what is right and what is wrong, what I should do and what I shouldn't do.

I just need a sound night of rest.

2008-10-24T08:41:00.000+08:00

hates drama..

especially drama that involves me.

especially drama that involves me and makes me feel bad.

especially drama that involves me and makes me feel bad, and drama that i never wanted to be a part of in the first place.

friggin hell.

freakin hell.

drama is hell.

2008-10-19T16:44:00.003+08:00

Wish I had more time to blog these days.
I miss long PICCIE-FILLED ENTRIES!

Do you? *hehe*

2008-10-16T19:20:00.001+08:00

Think that I should apologise about this late announcement.

I have officially changed my number since few weeks ago.

Sorry to those who I didn't manage to inform.

Please ask me for my new number, thanks.

2008-10-13T21:29:00.002+08:00

My first term result finally released.

Global average 17.54 over 20.

Feel happy cuz I didn't really work hard for it.

LOL.

So I've fulfilled my promise!

A happy post =]

2008-09-29T01:51:00.001+08:00

I'msofreakintiredofeverythingthat'sgoingoninmylifelately. Andipromisemynextpostwillbeahappyone.
Coz,whowantstoreadcrayproblemsoverandoveragain.
Althoughthisismyblog,istilldontwanttokeeprantingaboutshittythings.

Therefore.

happypost.
nextone.
promise.

unlessshitthingshappenandanegativepostisunavoidable.

NITE!

2008-09-27T03:13:00.007+08:00

If you have asked for my friendster email address, I think you should remember that I've questioned you back whether which account you are refering to.

And if you have been using friendster for more than 3 years, I think you should have known that the maximum number of friends in Friendster was only 1000.

I have joined Friendster since 2005. It was slowly getting famous. Well, I'd gotten around 40 views every month when I just started using it.

Hell yeah, the number of views grew rapidly after I added some photoshop-ed pictures. Yes, you're right. My real person is not that nice as the pictures.

So, the more nice pictures I added, the more friends and views I got. Then I started to create the other account when the existing ones was full.

When I reached my forth account, Friendster extended the maximum number into 3000. Alright, then those accounts which were full became available.

Anyway, I suddenly realised that I really can't be bothered to manage 4 accounts.
It is very very troublesome.
And I seriously don't see a need for those people to add me but didnt even bother to chat with me.
DO NOT ADD ME JUST FOR THE SAKE OF ADDING. Fxck you!

Was working as a registration officer in a business showcase which held in PWTC.
I was very surprised by meeting my old schoolmates, Ling, over there.
We had a nice chat, truly =]

But then, she asked,

" Why didn't I hear anything about you since last year? You were like just totally disappeared! "

" Err... I came to work in KL right after we graduated from our secondary school ya know.. Besides, I seldom go back to JB as well... So........ "

" I thought you could just contact through online? Don't you have a Friendster or stuffs? Why don't you just add us? "

" ... ... "

Well, I know that there is someone from our class in my friendlist.
And I know that I could have found all my classmates through those classmates which are in my friendlist.

However, I've tried to use more than 30 minutes to look for someone who is in my namelist yet I still couldn't find it.

Then I gave up.

And now,
I hardly send message to my old friends through Friendster.
I hardly view their pictures.
I hardly contact them...

Sometimes I did think about cancel all of them and start all over again.
BUTTTT I know there are people who are watching over me through Friendster.
And my old friends can only use that to contact me now...

Sorry for all my friends,

I've finally understood the defination of "FRIENDS".

2008-09-25T21:08:00.006+08:00

我知道相爱原本就不容易

爱不是一加一，努力就有结局。。。

S.H.E. finally released their latest album - 我的电台 My Fm.

I heard this song from the album, namely 安静了.

Thought the above few lines sounded meaningful and reminds me that love is never easy.

I'm stronger than before, and I WILL BE stronger than ever.

2008-09-23T22:44:00.001+08:00

有一种想见不敢见的伤痛

有一种爱还埋藏在我心中

我只能把你放在我的心中

我只能说我有些难过

我也真心真意的等过

Friendship -Part 2-

2008-09-19T22:08:00.000+08:00

So...

Few nights ago, two friends of mine said to me that i have changed since they first met me. They have known me for quite a while. And it made me think. Have I really changed? And I think I have to agree with both of them. And I'm sure that many of my friends out there would agree with them as well.

Change is not always bad i guess. And I dont think i have changed for the worse. Steven said that I'm less friendly and stuff. LOL. I find that quite funny. I thought I wasn't always friendly to everyone? And it reminded me of what Reann commented about me last time. She said I was so harsh and mean in msn. I wasn't a person like that in two years ago.

Anyway, I guess in a way I can see where they are coming from. Having gone through so much in these years, I think I'm just more protective of myself. My guard is up. I'm trying to be more careful. More aware of things around me. More alert. I want to be able to pick up on things before something bad happens.

Before this I was rather childish. Naive. Vulnerable. Foolish and ......
And yeah. Change was much needed.

Well I can't really say that I'm a very mature person now. Somehow I think I'm a better person compared to the previous me. =)

And I can say that I'm doing well. I haven't changed in personality or in my morals and beliefs in life. Everything good still stands. It's my weaknesses that needs fixing. But some things I guess I can never change about myself. I'm not gonna list them here. Lol. Cuz people that read will use it against me.

Well. People that care and worry about me:

I'm doing alright. I'm pushing through. It's not gonna be easy. But everyone goes through problems. =)

And I am thankful that I do have friends that hold my hand and walk with my through life. Even though they may not be physically here with me.

- There's just too much that time cannot erase...

Friendship [Part 1]

2008-09-18T21:42:00.006+08:00

I feel like a juggler. That's juggling non-stop.

But what I juggle aren't objects. They are problems. The hard knocks of Life.

So great that any one of them could affect me drastically.
So many that there's no time for me to take a break.

I feel so sorry for my readers.
As there will be few continually of emo posts start from this.

I'm so bothered with so people.
Included the one that I love. And the people I thought they were important in my life.

We shall start from the friendships.

Had an arguement with someone who I always treated her as my bestfriend last night.

I didn't know that she was unsatisfied with me.
Until last night.

" You think you guys are so so special..... besides random sex and all... "
" You know there is this fucking thing about you : its all about you, you and you. "
" When i meet up with you its fucking your problem, your college, your friends. "
" When i talk to you, when is it ... is about me? "

Should I say I was disappointed with these words?

This happened while we were chatting about my loved ones.
She commented me and our friends were very complicated with our relationship stuffs.

Oh well...
I would take the blame,
as I always ranted and whined my problems to her.
Though I didn't always ask about her.

Anyway, it made me think.
Does concerns need to be presented by asking whether you have any problems?
I thought it would be weird if you suddenly asked your friends like that while you are hanging out with them.

I went to ask her whether she was angry with me after I'd heard something from my friend.
And she said she wasn't angry anymore.
In fact, she was so unsatisfied.
Yet last night she said she didn't say it to me because I was having my finals.

She said I should know that she was not an open person that would take the initiative to share her problems.
Besides, she said she could share but... Was she given a chance?
As in, I have never even bothered to listen to my friend's problems.

And I finally realised.

After such a long period, you don't know about me.
Even though you know every problem that takes place within me,
you still don't understand me.

I wonder why Fish could share his problems with me but you couldn't.

I wonder why can't you just open your heart to me.

I thought we were so close that you would tell me your problems by your own.
I thought you were honest to me.
I thought... you might understand me.

However.
You went to discuss things about me to others that didn't even really understand me.
You said you didn't like to gossip about others yet you did that to me.
You said I should understand that you were not that kind of person that would tell out the problems yet you didn't understand that my concerns always came from the other ways.

You judged me.
As a self-centered, egotistical and arrogant person.

I am truly tired.
And I don't know how to salvage the broken pieces.
To be honest,
You're a very nice friend and we do not want to lose you.

I know I should change myself,
To understand the people around me better.
Though I hope that you may be honest to me...

---

The scars run deep,

But I still care.

- To be continued... (Next post - Have I changed? )

2008-09-17T23:41:00.003+08:00

This time,

IT IS REALLY OVER.

Growing up means accepting painful truth.

Tagged...

2008-09-16T19:43:00.004+08:00

As stupiak Benny tagged me -.- I just simply answer the questions below...
Don't expect good English~!!!

The last person to tag you is?
- Benny [F*ck you=.=]

What relationship of you with him/her?
- Good friend, my clubbing kaki :P

Your 5 impressions towards him/her?
- Still a kid :P , Skinny as I am, LaLa (it means gangster's look), funny then... BITCH >.<

The most memorable thing that he/she has done to you.
- He shook his butts with me :X

The most memorable words that he/she has said to you.
- [So far there is no memorable words from him LOL ]

If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
- Wow it's funny. Well, let's say IF.. I think I will stop him from drinking coke DAILY.

If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
- I will provide him coke until he dies. :P

If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on?
- His over-reliance on others.

If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is...
- He snatches the person I like. LOL!

The most desirable thing to do for him/her is?
- Well, last time I wish to cut his hair.. But he has cut them off.. So, NONE for now.

The overall impression to he/her is...
- Bitch!! hahahaha~

How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
- Unfriendly, mean, harsh, emo.

The character for you for yourself is?
- As above :P

On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
- I'm a person way too nostalgic.

The most ideal person you want to be is?
- David Beckham. He is damn sexy :X

For the person who cares and likes you, say something about them.
- Mummy I love you :)

Ten people to tag:
1. Qin
2. Irene
3. Anderson
4. Daniel
5. Pikey
6. CheeSoon
7. Jamie
8. Endrick
9. Carter
10. Alby

Who is number 2 having relationship with?
- She is still single.

Is number 3 a male or female?
- Male

If number 7 and number 10 be together would it be a good thing?
- It's funny... LOL!!

How about number 5 and number 8?
- Hahahahaha... I can't stop myself from laughing.

What is number 1 studying about?
- Interior Design.

When was the last time you had a chat with them?
- Well.. Can't be bothered to list all.

Is number 4 a single?
- Perhaps.

Say something about number 2.
- She is my old friend and I miss her... Long time never chatted with her. Hope that she is fine.

Those who were tagged by me... Don't bite me ler >.<

2008-09-15T19:47:00.006+08:00

People come, and people go.

I thought of all the people that came, those who stayed, and those who left.

For several months, I had been very troubled over a very close brother of mine.

Months ago, he broke up with his lover, with a painful ending. He started to change after that. I didn't realise that he had been changing so much until some of my friends commented about him to me.

I knew I should hold him back, and I did so.

Oh well, things didn't work out as I expected. He had a new lover within a few weeks after he broke. And when I said he was desperate, he defended himself by saying that why he couldn't be desperate while I could all the time.

Since then, we drifted further and further apart. He started to ignore my calls and msn messages. The unexpected harsh words stunned me for several times when he replied the messages. He even stopped contacting me altogether after he broke up with his new lover.

This is not the first time.

I thought we would have grown matured enough to talk things out openly, if there is any problem. But I chose to have faith in this friendship.

I chose to believe that he had his reasons.
I chose to believe he would keep his promise of brothers forever.
I chose to believe he would also keep his promise with the no "friend-to-friend relationship".
I chose to believe it was the sadness that made him behave erratically.
I chose to believe while another best buddy of us had already given up.

I took the initiative to contact him for so many times. Until I lost faith.

It hurts,
To be stabbed in the same spot by the same person twice.

It hurts,
To be sentenced without a reason why.

Yet he suddenly asked a friend to pass a message to me,
saying that he was disappointed of me.

I was wondering,
shouldn't I be the one who is feeling disappointed???

Then it dawned on me.

If I decide to move on today, it would be you, who would have lost a true friend who will be there when you are down. I would have nothing to lose today, for I had already lost you months back.

I'm sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

2008-09-14T18:05:00.001+08:00

Still struggling...

3 more papers to go...

God bless me!

2008-09-13T05:32:00.009+08:00

I'm kinda sick and tired of disappointing myself.

and the people around me.

I don't like letting people down.

as well as disappointing them.

But.

I seem to always do it.

I try to be strong. but actually i'm really weak.

And... i don't know.

It's gonna change.

something has gotta change.

and i guess. it'll have to be me.

I don't wanna live like this anymore.

2008-09-10T17:54:00.009+08:00

Sometimes I don't stop trying,
Because I believe it's not the end.

Sometimes I refuse to give up,
Because I believe there is still hope.

If I ever get too irritating,
It's because I care.

If I ever get too noisy,
It's because I need to be heard.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have been quite busy these days.
My first term of studies has finally come to the end.

Time flies.
I can't believe the final assessment weeks came so fast.
Gonna be a term-2 student just in one month!

Have finished few papers and there are 5 more papers to go.
God bless. Hopefully it will not be too bad.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forgive me for ever thinking I stood a chance…

2008-09-04T01:50:00.011+08:00

My car's running meter has finally exceeded 10,000km.

Suddenly I wonder how often I have been travelling around in these past 3 months.
Well, I've gotten this car since last year August.
It was only 3,000++ km when I drove my car back to JB in May.
I know it sounds impossible but honestly I didn't go anywhere as I kept on sitting at home playing online game.
And hell yeah I drove more than 6,000km in 3 months.
I seriously think that I should try to go out less as it can cut down on my petrol expenses.

Next,

Have bought a new pet.
I don't know whether you have heard about sugar glider.
Sugar glider is similar in body size to a hamster though their needs are totally different.
It is a pet that will be your companion and connect with you in a special way.
And we will need to go through this process with the same attitude as we would with a puppy.

However,
it doesn't work that simply to me.
To be honest, I have only held Patty(her name) once since I got her last Wednesday.
She always screams whenever I get closer to her =.=
Then I dare not to take her out.
Sigh.... It may take a little time to tame her I guess.
Thanks to Will and JaanHong for providing me so much of the info about that :P

Then,

Have been watching a lot of movies these days.
Or maybe since June? LOL!

Well, watched Zohan yesterday and Babylon today. With the companion of Yoke Mun, Jessica, Monica, Cindy, Alvin and Sashi.
Was really NOT impressed at all!
I wonder why the quality of movies are getting lower and lower nowadays.

After the movie...
We went for SUSHI!

Can't believe that I've never taken sushi for more than 1 month!
Gosh!!

Wasabi! Miss it sooooo muchhhhhhhh. Haha.

Jessica & Cindy freaked out when they saw how I ate the Wasabi :P

My favorite :P

Hohoho~ 4 of us. (YokeMun, C, Jessica, Cindy)

Last but not least,

Would like to share a very meaningful song to you. :P

There are 15 famous female singers worked together to support the Cancer's cause.

Just Stand up to Cancer: Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Fergie, Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge, Natasha Bedingfield, Miley Cyrus, Leona Lewis, Carrie Underwood, Keyshia Cole, Leann Rimes, Ashanti and Ciara.

Enjoy!!

2008-08-31T17:01:00.006+08:00

First of all, I think I should greet our "beloved" country a Happy Merdeka!

Went clubbing for the event of national day's celebration...
It was really an enjoyable night!!!

Set out from my house at 4pm to fetch Fish...
As everyone said that there would be an "immensely" traffic jam, we thought of setting out as early as we could.

After picking up Fish, we went to SS15 as he wanted a hair cut.
It was 7pm after we had our "lunch" and he finished his hair cut...

Can u imagine how long we had spent inside the saloon >.<

We thought we couldn't avoid the jam since it was already 7...
However, we reached Jln P.Ramlee at 7.40pm @@
Surprisingly there was no jam at all...
Well I took NPE highway and SMART tunnel...

Spent our time at Sungei Wang and Yao Yat Qun after we reached KL.
Then Benny, Brian and Big Fish came to join us :P

After the dinner, we went to Oblique.
It was kinda surprising as we went in without queueing but there was a longgggg row after 5 minutes while we went out from the entrance.
After awhile, Nicholas came with a friend who named Kenson.

It was a very crowded night.
Pushing and squeezing...
It was still fine at the beginning.
But the constant flow of people entering to the club made the whole club so packed...

We ended up dancing at the corner of the dance floor as we were pushed by those people...

When it came to 1am something... I seriously felt I hardly took breaths.
Felt like lack of oxygen =.=

Well... There was a show last night and it wasn't like how i imagined.

I thought there would be a count down session...
Kind of disappointed :(

The music was overally okay...
Somehow I quite fed up with Dj Louis as I don't really like house music...

We left at 2.30am as we really couldn't take it anymore.
Accidentally met Kenny at the entrance. If you know he was a contestant of Project Superstar 2007.
It's been quite a long time I've never seen him...
We chatted for awhile and I found he changed quite a lot. Too bad I forgot to take pics with him.

We went to the mamak in Jln Imbi as we intended not to squeeze in again.
The Roti Bakar Telur was so nice, as usual :P
Have a chit chat session and we finally went off at 4.30 something.

It was really an enjoyable night :P

Here are the pictures!!

Fish, Benny, Nic, Cray

Brian, Big Fish, Cray (why Brian's face looked like that =.=)

2008-08-28T02:26:00.002+08:00

Tough times may not be over yet, but at least I'm not feeling so miserable now.

Exams, assignments and presentations... GOSH! It's been such long time I never occupied like this.

Mid-term examination finally ended yesterday. There are still 2 assignments & 1 presentation to go. And the final is on 3 weeks later.
Ewww.... The continuous tasks are driving me nuts.

Have finally done the most troublesome assignment.
Asking a hospitality student to design a booklet for introducing the college?
So weird...
Anyway, thanks to Reann & her boyfriend (Jun). For helping me to complete the cover page of the press kit.
Thank you so much >.<

As I mentioned in my last post, I always got sick whenever my stress level goes beyond my limit.
And this time I really cough terribly, as the weather changes unpredictable these days.
Anyway, I'm feeling much better after taking the medicines.
Thanks to YokeMun, Vincent and Momo, for the medicines that you gave me >.<
I'm really touched.

I always thought that no one had managed to catch a glimpse of me. With the exception of my bestfriends...
Not to mention, it's like nobody really gives a damn whether I'm still alive or not...

Somehow, after I got illed this time, a lot of happenings changed my mind.
There are so many people care about me.
Lots of my friends asked for my condition and I was kinda surprised by the medicines.
And when I met problems in assignments, my friend appeared and helped me, regardless she is still having her holiday.

I had been very troubled over some so-called friends who don't really care about me.
I took the initiative to contact them, or, maybe stick on them.
Maybe I was too stupid.
Or maybe I didn't even dare to move on.

But now I finally realise that I had been taking those friends who care about me for granted. So I shall start the change in myself. I shall do my best to cherish everything around me.

I'm blessed.
I'm blissful.
I'm beloved.

For those who really don't give a damn about me,
I'm sorry but I gotta move on and leave you behind.

2008-08-25T17:14:00.003+08:00

Cough cough cough...

I really really hateeeee coughing!!! ARGHHHHH!!!!!!

Started coughing since last Friday.
Lack of sleeping is the main reason i guess.
Well always got sicked when I'm ultimately stressed...
Anyway thanks to everyone who cares about my condition.
I think i'll get well soon. Don't worry =)

I'm so touched.

Well, think I gotta be mean sometimes.
I finally reached my maximum point so I kicked one of my teammates out from my team.
Think it will be better to do his job all over again by my own rather than editing his shits.
I'm sorry if I'm rude.
Somehow I really feel tired...
So fucking illed yet I need to complete other's jobs...

Sometimes I wish I could run away...

2008-08-22T13:59:00.002+08:00

Should I start telling how unlucky I have been these few days?

Or should I just tell how it ends.
Wait a minute, it hasn't ended yet.

Well... Have finally gone through this stressful week.
However, it wasn't that easy.

The assessments were just okay.
Hopefully the result will not be too bad... *cross finger*
Anyway I have already done my best...

Now, let's talk about assignments.
Well I came to realise the thing that Jamie told me.
Don't ever trust your teammates when it comes to a group assignment.

Was very disappointed when I saw the power point slides from my teammate.
I don't know what to comment.
Perhaps a 10-year-old student can do something better than him.
And I seriously can't be bothered to help him do his own job.

YokeMun and me finally finished editing the report of the restaurant on Wednesday.
Rushed back home right after the class to start doing the power point.
But when I turned on the computer, the screen appeared,
Windows could not start as some files from xxxx are corrupted.

Shit...
I quickly brought my pc to my cousin's shop and they helped me to re-install the Windows.
Somehow some files were deleted... including my project's folder.
And I didn't know why the connection doesn't work as well...
Moreover my pendrive was with Chee Soon...

The assignment was supposed to be submitted on 1pm sharp today.
Which meant I had only 1 day, which was yesterday to finish the whole powerpoint slides.
At the end, I came out from school at 8pm last night.
Luckily I had finished the slides...

As the result of my pc's breakdown,
I have bought a new pc..
Which costs me around RM2.7k...
And I'm gonna buy a new LV next month.
And the sugar glider...
Think that I have to get myself a part-time job!!!!!!

Now I'm wondering...
My hp brokedown in a couple week ago...
My pc brokedown this week...

What's the next?

Me, myself brokedown?

2008-08-18T00:20:00.003+08:00

Guess I'm gonna be crazy.

Feel ultimate stressed!

There are so many things i have to deal with.

My uncle is bringing his children to come for school holiday and the house is so fucking messy. Yet I have 4 assessments to go this week. At the mean time, all of the assignments' due dates are on this two weeks.

Well, works are doubled as the result of Chin Ling's termination of the course. She had done part of her works yet there are still a lot of undone.

Am not really sure whether I can finish my assignments and prepare for exams while my family is here. May need to divide some time to accompany them...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I do admire the spirit of the Superman, Badman.... bla bla bla.
Hell yeah I know the stories are kinda childish and I'm too old to talk about those comics..
Yet, I think that the comics always give me motivations and courages to carry on whenever I'm really feeling depressed.

How they survive with all the villains, the monsters and the evil forces that are trying to destroy them really give me a great inspiration. The spirit of never give up is what the comics have shown to me.

Despite everything, I will survive.

Girl, I miss you...

2008-08-15T19:58:00.006+08:00

I think I'm really falling apart...
There are a lot of many emotional happenings take place within me.
It's really really a tough, stressful moment for me to go through.

A very good friend of mine told me that she is gonna terminate the course.
Regarding to her family problem, she has to go back to JB.
I've known her for 5 years.
All of sudden I think I failed utterly as a good friend.
I failed even more utterly as her good friend.
I couldn't even help her.
Seriously I didn't know what to answer when I was listening to that constant stream of her matter from my schoolmates.

Well... After she left, I seriously had a breakdown.

We enrolled the course together.
Fortunately, we were allocated to the same group.
We were always sticking on each other while we were at school.
We had meals together, went to class together, did research together, laughed together.......

But now, I have to do all the things by my own,
make decision by my own,
and hell yeah no one is gonna wake me up in the early morning if I sleep late.

I just can't take it.

And the reason is that all the things changed in a sudden.

I know I should take it like a man and work about it.
And I promise I will. So, Jamie, don't worry.
I know I'm acting crankily. But I will be okay =)

Somehow, I question myself.

Am I being overly-reliant on the others?

I always look for my best friends when I'm facing problems.
And thankfully they are always there for me.

I came to realise that I have to learn how to solve my own problems.
I gotta be independent.
I gotta move on...

For the one last time......

Chin Ling, I miss you...

2008-08-14T22:40:00.003+08:00

Enough.

Nothing seems right for me.

I'm truly very tired...

2008-08-11T01:47:00.003+08:00

I'm becoming a nuisance to all my friends.

Been ranting and whining to them about all the problems weighing on me and I think most of them can't be bothered.

And I think I am having serious MOOD SWINGS.

I just got moodless without any reasons.

Maybe it's just because of my expectations. Maybe there are too much problems between me and my classmates. Sometimes I get so disappointed that I had thoughts about going back to the life I used to lead. A much simpler life.

And thanks for cupid, for making things worse.

I know it isn't like exactly what I think but I just don't know how to stop myself from thinking about bad things.

I need directions! Somebody help me please.

You'll never know that you're always the reason

that why I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night.

2008-08-02T03:32:00.013+08:00

Just got back home from Midvalley.

Well, had overslept and I didn't attend the 2 lessons yesterday.
I feel sorry for it. Well I swear I won't skip any class again.
NEVER.

Went RedBox with Jamie and Jansen in the afternoon.
It was truly an enjoyable singing session.
I had a lot of fun and I truly feel sorry for Jamie and Jansen.
For torturing your ears. :(

Went to the orientation dinner after that.
Anyhow it wasn't as fun as I thought.
Kind of... boring.
We had walked through the same corridor for more than 10 times I think...
And there was so HOT.

After wasting one and a half hour over there,
Inge, HuiWen and me came to a decision to leave.
We went to watch movie after sending Aida back home. As she is going to Genting with her dream guy later, she needs more rest.

We watched the 21 in Midvalley.
Yeah it's somewhat a nice movie.
However, I was so sleepy...
Either HuiWen and Inge too. LOL!

By the way, this is Inge's and Huiwen's first time for visiting MidValley.
And Inge kept telling me she was nervous.
Haha she is so cute :P

(Front) Vincent, Aida, HuiWen and Inge.

Here we go again!

Hell yeah I know I look ugly in this picture.

Took this picture while they were having a some function.

Well it was too crowded and made me sweat like hell...

2008-07-30T19:32:00.002+08:00

Was being very emo in college today.
First of all, I need to say sorry to my classmates. For showing my anger in front of them.

Had somewhat a big fight with my class representative today.

The story started by a discussion for our group project of Culinary Art.

Last Wednesday, the lecturer - Chef Souji asked every group of us choose a state to introduce 10 traditional dishes from it.
We were come to a decision by choosing Perak.

Well, the class representative asked a classmate (Alex) to send the mail to lecturer on her behalf for telling the lecturer about the state we are choosing.

Then, Alex said that lecturer didn't reply on last Friday. However, he found me yesterday and claimed that the mail was pending while he sent but it became fail while he checked his mailbox on that morning.

I was wondering, since it was still pending on Friday, why didn't he tell the class rep to look for the lecturer? The deadline was on Thursday 5pm. Or it's because he didn't check his mailbox all the while?

The class rep was absent on Monday and she didn't appear on the first lesson yesterday.
So I went to look for Chef Souji with Yoke Mun, Chin Ling and Joseph.
He wasn't in the office and we searched around the cafe area yet we still couldn't find him.

At last, we saw the class rep in the last lesson.
I told her the whole matter and she didn't know about it.
She said she was illed.

Well well... It's like that is not her responsibility to follow up with the lecturer when she is illed. She should ask Alex or some other people to help her to handle that matter, right?

Nevertheless, we finally found Mr. Souji around 4.30pm while we were having a short break of our lesson.
He said there were only Terengganu and Pahang left.
Well, I don't know what happened after that and the class rep went to tell the classmates that we might be able to get Malacca.
WTF?! She doesn't know anything yet she was still talking nonsenses to the whole class.

Anyhow, we reached earlier to the classroom today and Mr.Souji told me we can choose either Kedah, Pahang or Terengganu.
I asked most of the classmates and they agreed to take Kedah.

While the class rep reached, she went to look for Mr Souji and said we were taking Pahang.

I got seriously FUCKED UP.

I went to talk to her that most of our classmates wanted Kedah.
And she said,

" I'm the leader. You guys should discuss with me before you all came to the decision and I'm the one to make decision. "

I didn't want to fight with her. Then I walked away.
After a few minutes she asked the whole group to gather as she had something to say.

She told everyone that she had chosen Pahang.
After that, she said,
" This is a group project. I hope there's no conflict between all of us. If you guys are unsatisfied with my decisions, you may come and talk to me. I will accept your opinion. "

AND SHE ADDED,
' You guys chose me as a leader so I hope everyone will co-operate with me. '

I finally reached the maximum point,

" Nobody had chosen you. You were the one who said this was a project about Malaysia food so you said it would be better if Malaysian be the leader. And you nominated your ownself. "

She asked me back,
" So do you wanna be the leader? "
" I seriously don't mind as everything is done by me while you were not here. And I'm doing stuffs like a leader while I'm just a coordinator. "

I forgot what she said afterwards.
But I just retorted everything she said. LOL!

I remember she said that she was illed so how she is gonna know everything.
I just asked her,
" Tell me what course you're taking now. Don't ever use sick as an excuse. You can ask someone to help even you're sick. You're the one who said you wanted to be the leader so you should have known about your own duty. "

Yeah, I was trying to be mean but I didn't wanna quarrel.

Yet, she shouted at me. And I just screwed her upside down. LOL!

Trust me I'm an expert in quarreling. I just kept on scolding till Chin Ling tried to stop me.

It's been a time I'd never screwed people like that.
Well, she cried, and said,
" I hope after this matter we can work as a team. I want team work. And I hope there is no one talking bad behind me. I don't want any backstabs. bla bla bla.... "

Well, Ms. Sharon Yeem.
Why are you afraid of people talking about you in repulsion if you did nothing wrong?

And let me tell you once again,
I DIDN'T MANAGE TO QUARREL WITH YOU BUT YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SHOUTED AT ME.

Don't ever try to use your tears to get my sympathy.

I bet you'll be so disappointed.

Very.

But don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame. Cause you dug your own grave.

2008-07-28T20:24:00.011+08:00

Woot. Look damn old with this tie.
Well this is from my mum, an old-fashioned YSL tie.

Should be having the Typhoid injection today...
However, it was POSTPONED and we didn't know why.
Well, should get used to Taylor's efficiency.

It was the kitchen practical today.
Learnt few kinds of technic of cutting and cooking the potatoes.
It was fun.
Because we were able to eat today. LOL!

Well... Took this pictures while we were cooking.

Was grouped with Yoke Mun and Monica.

This may be a very simple job for you.

But for me, a person had never done cooking before...

Errr... LOL!

We did mashed-potatoes, few kinds of french fries, pan-fried potatoes... etc.
Pardon me I had only taken 1 picture of our outcomes.

It's because... I was too busy...........

EATING!

Jessica and me really had a lot of the mashed-potatoes.

And these are my lovely classmates.
I am not in the picture as I was the camera man. LOL.

Well I truly enjoyed the cooking today.

Try to bring me down.

But I won't face the ground...

I will rise steadily and sailing out of your reach...

2008-07-27T21:43:00.006+08:00

I suddenly realised that it's been a while I don't really have a good rest.

Well, as I said in the previous few posts.
I'm kind of occupied. Since the time I started working in Sri Hartamas till now...
Quite surprised that I didn't get sicked while everyone beside me are already ailing.

Have spent nearly RM3k this month.
I seriously don't know where the hell I had spent on.
I bought a beg for around RM100, a few shirts, paid for the season parking in my school, a box of undies, a shoes, a coat, had a car service...

Somehow I don't think these things could spend me so much money.

The thing that made me fork out most of my pocket money is.......

Petrol.

Anyway, I can't complain much cuz I was the one who always drive along so many places.

I'm just seriously broke ..

Well, was out with Jamie and Fish yesterday, as usual.
Went to One Utama (sort of loitering, again) after I had my favourite bak-kut-teh in SS14.
It was kind of crowded as there was a concert.
Chris Daughtry came.
Didn't manage to see him as we knew he would probably be the last one to perform.

We accidentally walked by a fair which was selling houses there.
Then we started to sketch about how our future house is gonna be.
Yes, we planned to stay together.
And we WILL be staying together someday.
I do hope this dream will come true...

To Fish and Jamie,

I'm so blessed by knowing both of you.

Thanks for standing by my side always...

2008-07-24T17:54:00.003+08:00

Bored.

Well I know I'm weird by feeling bored while I'm so freaking occupied.

There are so many assignments...

And the deadlines are so CLOSE.

28th August... Well I wish this day would never come. LOL!

There are 3 assignments need to be submitted on 28th August...

Arghhhhh. Pening lahhh =.=

Anyway... I do enjoy my life now.

I've so many things to accomplish. LOL.

Met a lot of new friends. Yeah my batch does have a lot of international students.

Most of them are from Indonesia...

Trust me Indonesian are really friendly and passionate.

Phew.... Watched so many movies this month.

Wanted, Hancock, Journey to The Centre of The Earth, Red Cliff, The Dark Knight bla bla bla...

I seriously love The Dark Knight. Had watched it twice.

If you're gonna ask me to describe how it was... I can only say wonderfully entertaining.

As of now, it is the film of the year for me. LOL!

Well this is what I learnt in my first lesson in the kitchen. Hell yeah I cut my finger...

2008-07-21T22:59:00.007+08:00

Well well... It's been a few days that I've never come to blog.
Was quite busy for the trip to my hometown - JB.
It was Zorg(a.k.a Gerald)'s 21st birthday party.
So... Went back to his party hence it was a short trip, again.

My class mentor asked me to have a hair cut last week.
He said my side burn was too long. He even asked me to dye my hair back to black colour.
Somehow I don't really understand why they are so strict about the attire.

Anyway, he added, 'lecturers have the absolute right to chase you out from class.'
Okay. I'll just cut them off.

Let's have a good look of my pictures with the old hairstyle.

The last time... my long hair (sob)

Anyway, I went to look for Jessie (my regular hairstylist LOL).

She was a bit frustrated when I said I wanted to cut them short cuz she likes my hair to be long. LOL!

Yea, I really cut my hair very short. My both side burns are gone. The hair near to my neck became short.... Well it's been such a long time I never cut my hair short like this!

Well... Most of my classmates were shocked when they saw my hair.

Jamie said I look younger with this hairstyle and Victor said I look better cuz the shape of my face became clearer after the side burns were gone, while LunHao and ZhiZhen said I look like LaLa (gangster) with this hair.

Seriously, I am quite satisfied with this hairstyle.
I trust Jessie. She always brings me what I want.

So...
What do you think about the new look of Cray?

2008-07-15T12:32:00.003+08:00

Oh well...

Am in the school library.

I should be having a class from 10.30am to 12pm but the class was cancelled due to the absence of my lecturer. However, we didnt get any early notice.

And there is a break from 12pm till 4pm =.=

Wondering what I should do for this 4 hours.... Hmmm....

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Regarding to the portals and Blackboard stuffs, I went to the information counter with Chin Ling after we got to know the class was cancelled. We were not able to log in to the student portals and Blackboard although this is the 2nd week. Errr... Blackboard is a forum (kind of) to let the students get the lecture notes which posted by the lecturers.

The lady said she wasn't sure so she asked us to go to the ICT helpdesk.

When we reached there, there was nobody. Then, a kakak who was cleaning the floor over there asked us who we were looking for. She asked us to ring the bell beside the counter and there would be someone talking to us through the bell.

The guy who was talking to us through the fucking lousy bell asked us to go to the programme office after he heard about our problems.

When we went to the programme office, and the old lady told us,

" It's none of our business. You should go to the ICT office! "

WTF? I remember when the first time I went to the programme office to get the timetable, there was another lady who stood in a very improper way, shaking her leg while she was talking to me. And then there was an old lady telling me it's none of their business!

I seriously doubt their attitudes. They are so unfriendly!

Nevertheless, we went to ICT office. They helped us to reset the sign-in ID of our portals but we still couldn't log in to Blackboard. They said they weren't able to check because programme office is the department to manage the Blackboard.

Well... This is the 2nd week. Their actions are damn slow yet they said 'it's none of their business'.

I am really lazy to go to the programme office again. I am kinda worried that I would slap those ladies right in the office.
And I wonder why there is nobody asking about it while the whole batch of students couldnt log in.

Argh -.- Scolded too much.
Anyway, I was just frustrated and just wanna let my anger off =.=

The lady who helped us to reset our ID said that I'm able to right a complaint letter regarding to that matter.
Even though i was really angry for the whole incident and i know how to exercise my rights, somehow i feel really tired.

I'm just really tired...

2008-07-10T05:03:00.002+08:00

There were so many friends asking me the same question after they read the previous entry.

' Who was that person you mentioned in your blog? '
' ...... '

Seriously, I don't feel like exposing too much about that relationship.
Thanks to all my friends. I appreciate your concerns.
However, I'm truly feeling good now.
Just move on. And I swear I will NEVER mention this anymore.

It was the 2nd day of the orientation.
But I didn't really show up.
Just didn't feel like listening to those long and naggy speeches.

Went Midvalley with Fish.
To watch the movie - Wanted.
Well, I think we had used 20 minutes to find a parking slot.
I don't understand why there was so much people even though that was Wed.
Zone A, B and C were full and the others were almost full.
Was a bit frustrated when it was jam like weekend.

Anyway, I seriously love Angelina Jolie.
She is so f*cking SEXY!
That movie was good and I was really impressed.
Hardly watch a nice movie while they are actually extinct nowadays. LOL!

We went loitering (errr... sort of) in Midvalley and the Garden after finished watching the movie. LOL!
Met Jesslyn & Amy in Metrojaya.
It has been such a loooooooonggggggggggg time I'd never seen them.
They were my colleagues while I was selling fragrances in Metrojaya.
Had a pleasant chat with them and I found out that Jesslyn gave birth for her second daughter.
Congratulation Jesslyn :P

Went Kim Gary after that.
I wonder why most of the Kim Gary staffs are such bad manner.
No matter in Sungei Wang, Sunway, The Curve or Midvalley.
Maybe they should provide a proper training before they actual hire them. LOL!

-------------------------------------------------------

- The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

2008-07-09T00:14:00.005+08:00

Since there's no more you and me

It's time I let you go so I can be free

And live my life how it should be

No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you

Yes, I will

Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time

Even though I really loved you

I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to

Yes, I do

It'll all get better in time.

--Better In Time (Leona Lewis)

Well, this song reflects my mood now.
Feel so silly that I was so depressed for such person.
Anyway, thanks for teaching me a lesson.
And you made me know more about LOVE.
I appreciate that.

Sometimes we should really take our friends' advices.
I was so stubborn and didn't take my friends' advices.
Then I got hurt. LOL!

But now, I just wanna say,

I'm better off WITHOUT YOU! MORE THAN YOU KNOW!

And just stop texting me.
Telling me that you're sad and you still wanna be my friend.

FUCK YOU.

Just get out of my sight and I don't wanna see you face anymore.

Specially thanks to Carmen, Fish and Jamie.

For staying by my side while I was so idiotic down.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmm...
Think should blog about some physical happenings in this entry.
I should also say sorry for being too emo during these periods.

Was back to JB for three days in a couple weeks ago.
Well it was all in a rush so didnt manage to meet all the friends.
Moreover I was sick as well...
I miss my old matessss!!!

Then I started working on the day after I was back to KL.
Had been working in a Japanese food fair which held at Sri Hartamas for 11 days.
I was so tired by working from 10am to 10pm during that 11 days.
It'd been a long time I'd never work as a promoter.
Was really drained. LOL!

Anyway, the Plaza Damas (I dunno whether I spell it correctly) is really a very nice place.
I felt like I wasn't in Malaysia when I was walking on the streets there. LOL.
There are so many nice cafes and restaurants.
Hmmm... But those foods are expensive as well. LOL!

The fair was ended on Sunday.
And I didnt manage to get a good rest on Monday.
Was out with Fish and QingLing.
We went sing K, shopping and pasar malam.
Finally got the chance to sing K.
Was so desperate to sing. LOL!

Was thinking to buy some former wear from G2000 but too bad they are not doing sale.
Then I bought a bag from Seed.
Can anyone tell me when G2000 is going to do sale?

Finally,
my course started yesterday.
Yeah, it was the first day.
Yet I was late, due to the freaking traffic jam.
And do you know what caused the jam?
Because there was a car broke down in the middle of the road.
And that driver just left his car there and waited beside the road.
COULDN'T HE JUST MOVE HIS CAR TO ANOTHER PLACE THAT WOULDN'T BLOCK THE TRAFFIC?
Yeah, this is a typical Malaysian.

Let's get back to the topic.
Well, the orientation day is quite boring.
We had a lot of briefings, an English placement test, uniform measurement and stuffs.
Was a bit unhappy when they told us that we have to wear former wear to attend classes.
The purpose is to create the environment of hospitality.
And they are pretty strict. Earrings are not allowed as well...
Hmmm...

Seriously, I do not have problems with wearing the former wear to attend classes.
But I DO have problems with ironing those shirts.
OMG =.= Anyone can teach me how to iron nicely? *sob*

Anyhow, I'm truly feeling excited.
For being able to study what I want.

Look at me, I will show you a good one :P

2008-06-30T23:21:00.006+08:00

You shiver uncontrollably, even when it's not cold.

You see patterns in the wall.

You always need to sit down, because your legs are jelly.

You stop eating, because you're always too busy thinking you're not good enough,

trying to figure out what went wrong.

You read the same line over and over, but nothing makes sense.

You lose your weight.

You're always hungry, but food tastes like cardboard.

You find it hard to swallow.

You stop feeling.

You can't sleep without a sleeping pil.

You always want to be alone.

You tell everyone you're fine.

You do stupid things.

Everything is one big fog.

You never remember anything.

You find yourself staring into space.

You wish you weren't here.

You take long walks without knowing where you're heading.

You're always angry.

You stare at the veins in your body, wondering why blood still flows when the organ pumping it is broken into pieces.

You stare at the clock, counting down minutes.

You keep writing messages to the same person but you never press the button 'Send'.

You always need a fag.

You always crave a drink.

You wish people stop talking to you.

You replay your life in your head.

You listen to the same song repeatedly.

You have to remind yourself to breath.

You hate people touching you.

You snap at everyone.

You say things you don't mean.

You hate explaining yourself.

... ...

And nothing really matters. Anymore.

I tried so hard to forget you.

But...

For everything I do, I just couldn't do...

DO I HAVE TO CRY FOR YOU?

2008-06-21T03:42:00.003+08:00

Bring this smile back to Cray.

Oh no. He's Benjamin...

It's been long while I never smile like that... -_-"

Well...

I DO miss old days.

Life is complicated after I came to KL.

Or maybe worse than that ._.

I miss the days that I smiled at the old schoolyard...
I miss the days that I teased my friends in the school canteen.
I miss the days that we did everything we could to raise fund for our school.

I miss S3AC3.
I miss Debate and Speech Society.
I miss Foon Yew High School.
I miss LunHao, HaoMing, ZhiZhen, WenYa, ZhiHui.
I miss PeiTing, XueQi, HuiHui...

I miss my silliness.
I miss my childishness.
I miss my naive-ness.
I miss .........................

Argh....

It's been a very long time I never sleep well.
And I don't know why.
Sometimes I really wish I could sleep deeply.

It has also been such a long while I never laugh out loud.
I miss the days I laughed with tears in the classroom.
How long exactly is it that I never laugh like that?
Well... I lost count.

What I know is,
I'm not happy...

Put that smile back to Benjamin!!!

- Happiness always promises a hope by which people go on living.

2008-06-16T03:16:00.004+08:00

Well... Feeling lazy to blog actually.

Endrick complaint that my fonts were too small in the previous two posts.

Hmmm... Ok I'll use the BIGGER one :D

Many things had happened.

A lot of friends said that I was so busy. LOL.

Went Genting twice last week.

Well, I really feel exhausted by driving to Genting.

However, I really love Genting. :P

Felt a bit disappointed cuz didnt get to the outdoor theme park.

I miss the roller coaster soooooooooo much.

HaoMing is back from Taiwan.

So sad that I've no chance to meet him.

Anyway it's glad to hear his voice. Haha.

I promise I'll be back to JB when you come back next time.

LOL.

Watched the Happening and Kungfu Panda.

Seriously... I don't like them.

It's been long while that I'm not impressed by movies.

I miss those animes like Finding Nemo and stuffs.

Hmm...

Nicholas & Cray

Cray & Gerald

It's time to sleep :P

Goodnight.

- You are what you are by what you believe.

2008-06-06T16:57:00.004+08:00

A boring day.

Again.

Phew...

Look at the news today.

Petrol price increased again.

Well it's a steep hike.

And broke the record as well.

I'm sure Malaysian motorists were shocked by the sudden increase of 78 cents in petrol price with effect from today.

Either me too.

This significant increase has severely affected the motorists particularly from the low and middle class society.

As they need to fork out their own pocket money to pay each time they refuel their vehicles.

I was frustrated.

When I saw the news that the ministers and some rich guys said all Malaysian should solve this coming inflation together and bla bla bla.

We are not ministers.

We do not earn that much.

We are not given any fuel allowances by the Government or our company.

Those people would not feel the pinch as they never seem to bother because the cost is not bear by them.

So they can just say those rubbish to us.

How if they only earn RM2,000 per month? Ask them to tell us how to divide our money.

I seriously think about one thing.

How am I going to divide my pocket money this time?
Less shopping? Less travelling? Eat less?

With the sudden price increase in fuel, consumer goods, utilities, etc... Everyone began to wonder where we are heading to.

I believe that the current government is well aware that they will lose the next election.

Those ministers claimed that the reason of the price hike is the government carry too heavy subsidies.

If this carry on, the government will go bankrupt.

But just think again, where is the money we paid for road taxes, income taxes.... etc? Development? Does Malaysia need any development at this moment? Even the public transportations do not reach the standard yet.

Has the government ever tried to make the public transport to become better???

If the public transport were clean, proper and safe, we would definitely use them. Our LRTs does not have enough seats and a lot of people does not bother to give up their seats if they see a mother with children or a senior citizen or a pregnant woman. Our buses have improved compared with the bus minis those days but buses does not enter many residential areas and the bus routes are not very clear hence it confuses many people. I waited at KTM, the time indicates reach at 7:15, but never on time it reaches. KTM delays often.

And when the government said they have too much burden on subsidies of petrol, we still can see that our beloved country is still hard-pressed to go ahead with its "Super Duper Ultimate Space Programme".

I seriously have no idea what the purpose of this programme is.

And what do we get in return at the end? What sort of experiments have you conducted in space to make our lives easier? So what if they can make teh tarik or flip a roti canai in space?

I think the people needs the money more than the importance of sending another to space.

And just stop cheating people by using the diagram shows the comparison with those countries without oils.

Malaysia has oils! Compare with the other countries which produce oils as well.

Anyway, cost of living is increasing beyond control now.

I have to spend lesser from now on...

I'm back.

2008-06-05T18:39:00.000+08:00

Haha. It has been almost a year I've never blogged.
Well, since I have stopped blogging for so long, I decide to change to Blogspot.
Goodbye, Xanga.
LOL.

What Should I Blog About In My First Entry?

Hmm... seriously, I've nothing much to blog about.
So I'll just write about what I've done since last year.

I enrolled business course at Monash in last year July.
After I quited from fragrance industry.
Well, it was not my decision actually, but of my family.
I was thinking to take hospitality.
Anyway, my family thought that my future career will be limited in hotel industry if I took that.
As a result, objections were made.
I know it sounds stupid but I just really couldn't do anything with their constant stubbornness.

Hohoho. Life in Monash was great.
It's really a nice university.
It has good environment for sure.
No matter from the lecture hall, classroom or the auditorium, it's just really comfortable.

However, my studies weren't well.
The results were just okay but not in good condition.
And... I was really uncomfortable with what I was doing.
After a long period of struggling in Monash, I stopped the course by my own.
LOL.

At the same time, I was unintentionally addicted to an online game.
Haha. Just really addicted.
It was such a very long period.
Really.

And I have to say sorry to those friends that I neglected during that period.
SORRY.
And also. THANK YOU. For those who are still standing by my side.

Of course, I was screwed by my family.
For my studies in Monash. And also the online game :P
And I finally told them I wasn't happy. AT ALL.
It's pointless to ask me to do something that I'm not feeling to do.
To be frank, I'm not sorta people to do sales... :S
Hmmm......

After wasting a year, with a large amount of fees...
My family finally let me take hospitality in Taylors College.

Less people take an instant to see the light.
I used nearly a year.
And seriously I nearly lost myself by playing that online game.
Online games are scary. (When you play without controlling yourself.)

The next intake will be in 8th July.
And I dont know what I should do while waiting the date to reach.
I'm bored. Bored. And bored. :(
Bahhhhhhh!!! And I just cant wait to go to school!!
And that will be my new life.

I promise.

-- End --